Have you ever been out on a date, had a great time then never had a second date? No regrets, in fact, you may have learned something about yourself or about the greater world at large. Perhaps you went on five dates before you decided not to see the person again. And then, perhaps at some point, you met a person and within a few months the question was ‘popped’, as they say.
Do we date for fun or only to fall in love and eventually find the person with whom we want to share our life? Can it be a mixture of both?
I was reminded of the process of dating recently at a meeting among community members. As the meeting was closing one person said, “If all we did was get together and talk, that would be enough for me.” We often put so much emphasis on the final product that we forget the joy in the process. It can be enough to have a relationship with someone – a friend, a spouse, a colleague – for no other purpose than the joy of being with the person. How freeing it can be to want nothing from someone outside of conversation. From these relationships we can grow as individuals or as a group.
Often in community development, we see that these are the most fertile kinds of relationships. There is no agenda for taking the relationship somewhere. Without an agenda, trust can flourish. Sometimes, that trust can blossom into other things. Sometimes, it doesn’t and that is just fine because the collateral effects can be even more rewarding without ever meaning to be.